Matchmaking Service

Aside from being the easiest and possibly largest internet predator stalking grounds on the net, due to the ability to make fake accounts, as has been shown by the constant spamming on their services, MySpace is just a headache.

Most users actually don’t use it for dating. It’s a site for the clash of egos, where the main goal is an obsession with adding friends who usually turn out to be spam robots and various small time music bands, or viral video spammers, looking to advertise themselves.

If you want a dating service where you can actually know who you are dating, all paid services at the very least know the name, credit card info, and address of users, which creates a liability for stalkers and spammers. To top it off many matchmaking services, such as True.com, actually screen users for criminals and married men. Whereas MySpace? That 22 year old hunk from fresno, just might be a 57 year old austrian named Hans. Not that there’s anything wrong with Hans.

Staying “in love” forever is a grand ambition. But it’s one that many americans have come to expect from their spouses or loved ones. They often expect to be the central object of adolation in their significant other’s lives, and when not paid proper attention to, the relationships often go sour or even end. In this trying economic time, many relationships only need one wrong spark to spur on a quick and unsightly end to what was once a long and loving relationship.

Love can’t be forced. People cannot be forced to love someone else. Lying and confusing people with a false persona is almost certainly destined to end in a bad way. Often the other person will feel upset when they discover their mate is not the person they married, or on the other side of things, many daters end up actually impersonating someone they are not, feeling that is the only way to win over their love. In the end, they might grow weary of the constant falsehoods and unending effort required to be someone that they simply are not. Being straightforward and honest, has two ultimately positive outcomes. It either gives the partner a chance to love the true qualities of the person they are with. Or it leads to them breaking it off. Yet this can often save years of pain and regret down the road. It’s important to find someone who loves the qualities of their mate, not of the fake person they pretended to be.

Above all, long lasting romances are more than romance. In truth, only friendship lasts forever, the sexual aspects of a relationship are merely a bonus. Think of the qualities that have made best friends stay together. Ideally, a long term romance is simply a best friendship between two people who are also physically attracted to each other. The problem is today, dating is no longer about the friendship aspect. If they find themselves making out all of the time, even during a movie they were looking forward to, so much so that they have no idea what the plot was about, there may be a problem.

Best friends do things together. They watch movies together, they go have fun together. If a romance has destroyed all of the friendship aspects and turned into merely a chemical attraction, it cannot last forever. Human bodies simply get used to the hormones if they are constantly surrounded by them, and the mystery and intrigue  of the chemicals wears off. At that point, friendship is what helps reignite the fire and keep the relationship lasting. If the relationship with that person has the romance aspects taken out, is being long term friends with the person desirable? Do they share the same interests, goals, and characteristics expected of any good friend? If not, there is a serious problem.

Location, location, location! Some people believe they just kept finding the wrong people to date over and over again. It might not just be bad luck. In fact, often times it’s where more than who we date. Where you find a date does in fact determine the general traits of the person you’ll meet, and while there are exceptions to the rule, it is important to keep in mind certain locations will generally only allow you to meet certain types of people.

For example, if someone is looking for a christian to date, and heads out to the local athiest club, they obviously will have a hard time finding anyone. While that example may be a bit extreme, some people’s dating methods are quite on par with that. Many women may shout “why can’t I find any nice guys?” and then summarily head out to one of the raunchiest night clubs in town.

The idea is simple: in bars, you’ll tend to find more potential alcoholics. In clubs, you tend to find more easygoing people who are actively looking for dates. In churches you find christians, in mosques you find muslims. It’s not a hard concept to grasp.

If someone wants to find a different type of partner than they usually end up with, perhaps it’s time to change the routine. Go to the local church fellowship group, instead of the seedy club downtown. Go to sporting events instead of some friend’s hardcore party. Or vice versa, depending on what that person wants from a relationship.

It could even go so far as changing careers, if you tend to only hook up with other coworkers. Perhaps you’re interested in a different personality type than the type that goes into your current career path.

Taking it a step further, the type of friends you hang out with, often determines the location to hang out in, so choosing to hang out with sports crazy friends  will provide more opportunities to meet people interested in sports, whereas friends who enjoy clubbing will tend to frequent those places. It’s a truly common sense idea, but one most people do not frequently think about.

Ultimately, location plays a major factor in determining who we will meet, and why people go to that location, predetermines the characteristics of the person who is there. There are exceptions, but life is too short to wait for that exception to walk into the bar, club, or other place that may not be suited to the type of person being searched for.

When on a date, many people make mistakes that cost them a relationship that otherwise might have been the one they were hoping for, or at the very least, leads to them going home empty handed. Here are some tips on avoiding that situation.

1. Be confident! Nervousness almost never wins you any friends, or dates either. Confidence is a great and attractive quality for both genders. Some people think it’s innate or something you are born with, but that’s not true. Everyone has doubts and worries, but it takes a certain mindset to be able to be cool, calm, and confident in your everyday life, but even moreso when on a date.

2. Coming on too strong. Don’t lay it on too heavy. Even if your date does like the affection, down the road it becomes harder to impress them with compliments. Most people are intrigued by a combination of aloofness yet reciprocrating their emotions at just the right time. For many the timing comes naturally, so just act natural. If that serenade outside their balcony feels like it’s too much, it probably is. If the timing feels right, for example, showering a date with flowers after a bad argument, it can be very endearing.

3. Learn what they enjoy. Often times a date will just go along with whatever the other person wants to do. Sometimes it’s up to each partner to discover what the other person enjoys and to pursue those hobbies together. If a date hates horror and loves romantic comedies, taking them along to see every “Saw” sequel might drive them crazy - and out of the relationship.

With all these steps, it may be possible to strike the right chord with most people. There are exceptions - some dates like overly affectionate behavior, over-the-top serenades and attention. Others may like a goofball who has the confidence of a mouse, thinking they are cute, and some people enjoy being taken onto new hobbies they never enjoyed or discovered before. But for everyone else, these three tips can be used to great success.

To sum it up, be confident, but confidence does not mean constantly saying “I love you” over and over on the first date. Laying it on too strong is a recipe for disaster, a balance between the cold shoulder and going head over heels is best. Finally, by finding common ground and sharing activities both partners enjoy together, the relationship becomes more than just a romance - it becomes a lasting partnership based on friendship.

Just for convenience’s sake, here is a list of some of the most commonly visited places for dating. While they might not shake a date’s world and surprise them tremendously, there is a better chance of the date accepting such a venue. But many would be surprised that getting the date there, often depends on how they are asked to go.

1. Restaurants. This is a simple one. It often matters how the date is invited to them. It can be great as a casual get together. Try asking if they are hungry and if they are, then merely suggest getting a bite to eat as if it were no big deal, as a casual hangout. Ambiguity increases the chances of acceptance, obviously if they like the person asking, they would accept, but if they are unsure this doesn’t put them on the spot or risk being turned down.

2. The Movies. Once again, if formally asked “would you like to go to the movies with me?” it puts the date on the spot and dramatically increases your chances of being refused. Instead, one of the better methods would be to ask what movies they are interested in, learn their interests, and surprise them when one of the movies they are looking forward to is coming out, with an offer to see it. Another way to increase your chances further, is to find mutual friends to go with, especially another couple, while not suggesting a double date unless you are sure of acceptance. Often times, the couple may even “leave you two alone” which is a great intro to spend some quality time alone together. This lets you achieve being alone together without letting it look like that was your goal all along.

3. Amusement park.  This follows much of the principles laid out above, with a few adjustments. After finding out what activities a potential date enjoys, if they are open to the amusement park, this can be a wonderful opportunity. Suggesting to go with a few mutual friends can often make it a nearly guaranteed acceptance. Better yet, if those mutual friends just happen to be a couple, it can guaranteed many, many close situations as you two become third wheels. Rides for two, for example, will lead to the other couple sitting together, and you and a potential date most certainly riding next to each other. Amusement parks are full of many of those situations, and are a wonderful hook up spot that will leave many happy memories in the mind of the person being dated. Not a bad start for a new relationship.

There are many things everyone on a first date should consider. Avoiding these three common problems can help to avoid an premature ending to a new relationship.

1. Humour is good, but beware overdoing it. Many first dates can be awkward, and throwing in a corny joke can often be the last straw for many. With ample confidence, a date can help break the ice with a sly remark, or something genuinely funny. Delivery and timing are everything with comedy, so if a person is shaking to death with nervousness, chances are comedy might not be their thing. Nonetheless, i finding someone with a similar sense of humour is important, consider delaying the humour until after the date has started to get comfortable with the environment and who they are with, as they would be more receptive to the jokes.

2. Don’t experiment with the location! Dinner and a movie might be “too normal”, but nothing is worse than taking a date to some unknown restaurant and finding out the service or worse, the food, is terrible. Also, if you seem confused about what to do, whether it’s ordering food, or finding out what train to get on, the date will notice the indecision and confusion. Having everything figured out ahead of time, helps people to stay calm and decisive. It may be subtle, but the human subconscious picks up on that. People prefer to be added into stable lives with a promising future, rather than confused and chaotic lives. Picking a favorite amusement park, amazing restaurant, or other impressive location that is still comfortably familiar, is the ideal situation to get into.

3. Don’t try to be someone else. Even if the date prefers a different type of person, sooner or later they will find out the true nature of the person they are with. The deception can lead to a quick break-up after months of dating, wasting everyone’s time. Instead, if the date is important, consider trying to win them over to that other style of humour, that strange quirkiness, or that obsession with football. After all, they are going to find out anyways. If they know in advance what they are getting into and still move forward, it makes the relationship much more stable and amiable down the road.

Keeping these three ideas in mind, it should be easier to to succeed with more dates, avoiding awkwardness, and finding someone who is compatible. This all supposes that the dating is long-term focused, and might not work for those who are looking to move things along more quickly.

In romance, there are certain things that should not be said. At the very least, there are better ways of saying it that many don’t consider.

1. “Do I look fat in this dress?”. This may be a more fun phrase, but some do take it seriously. Unless the guy is a master at conversation, he almost predictably will either insincerely lie, get upset that you even asked it, or bafflingly run away from the answer. Asking the same question but in a different way, can relieve the pressure from men. Having him compare between two dresses, takes the focus back on the goal of finding out what to wear, rather than making it a partial debate about the asker’s own attractiveness.

2. “You need to exercise more.” or “You need a diet.” This is the equivalent of calling the other person fat. Maybe they really have gained a massive amount of weight, which can bother their mate. However, using negatives and telling the other person what they need to do is a recipe for arguments. Try instead, to offer to go for a walk together, sign up for a fitness club together or some other mutual effort. The partner needs to make sure to discuss their own fitness as part of the reason, and how it is a mutual effort at healthiness, not just focusing on the larger partner’s problems.

3. “I think we need a break.” This is the worst of all the commonly said things that leads to misunderstandings and the end of otherwise solid relationships. It is a recipe for disaster, even if it truly meant the partner needs a little space. To many it symbolizes the beginning of a break-up and saying it will almost certainly lead to that falling apart. If a partner need some time apart, then they should just take it. Organize a camping trip, go on a vacation with family, do something without them for a week to recollect thoughts, but let them know they are still valued. Often times the other person will read too far deeply into the “break” and interpret it for a full-scale break-up. If something is causing mistrust or concern, the partner should voice it to the other person, rather than beginning the process of seperating.

By rewording and avoiding using these phrases, many a relationship, engagement, or in some cases, even marriage, could be saved from a premature ending.

Commitment has vanished. Once it was the cornerstone of any relationship, vital to the longterm viability of a romantic partnership. Today it is an empty husk, a mere husk of what it once was. How did this happen?

The nature of dating changed. The rules of the game have been opened up to new concepts. Whereas a hundred years ago, holding hands or kissing were considered serious gestures of love, today they are mere opening salvos to first dates that end up going “all the way”. With such a changed environment for dating, many think somehow the nature of marriage would have remained the same. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

First, we must consider why humans make commitments in the first place. In marriage, commitment provides emotional security, trust, and protection from your significant other cheating on you with someone else. It brings the idea that the couple is “together forever”, and belong only to each other.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that by that definition laid out above, nearly every single couple in this country is expecting the level of commitment that was due only to marriage, and often from day one of dating. Why?

If sex is now an acceptable part of dating, then partners of every gender would wish commitment from their dates, the same commitment only due to marriage, to protect themselves from emotional, mental, and even perhaps spiritual harm.

How is dating any different from marriage? Two people get together, they expect each other to be loyal, and have sexual relations. In truth, marriage is merely a piece of paper from a government, and a lavish ceremony that holds only symbolic value. There is no magical power of marriage that can make people loyal. It is only a mental commitment from each of the partners to be loyal.

In the past, courting was the process of discovering a potential lover, and often went no further than holding hands. When a potential lover was found, and the possibility of a life together looked like a good prospect, engagement would most likely occur, at which point things usually got more serious.

Today however, because sexual relations occur so early on, most people expect “exclusive” dating from the beginning. However, how can you be committed to someone who you just barely met? When you make the marriage vows to be loyal, is it any different from your promise to be exclusive from day one of dating? Is every dating couple today lying to each other, and then somehow expect a relationship built on false trust to become a relationship built on real trust once marriage is thrown in the question?

In truth, friendship is now the equivalent of courting, and dating today is often the equivalent of marriage. Thus did marriage lose all meaning.

Lava Life dating, one of the largest online matchmaking services, starting up in 1987, and operating other dating services under various names such as webpersonals.com, has just launched a new matchmaking magazine, lavalifemagazine.com, talking about the latest dating trends, styles, and giving matchmaking advice to all the potential lovers out there. LavaLife magazine has a “contest” section, horoscopes, and even gives sexual advice. The target audience is obviously the young, hip, urban type crowd, and Lava Life’s bold move might just pay off. LavaLife isn’t the first company to make such a move however, as Match.com launched a magazine last year, and it seems Lava Life is looking to have similar luck with their new magazine.

This analysis of modern relationships takes a look specifically at commitment. Gives comprehensive reasoning for the lack of commitment in relationships today.

It has become apparent that the root cause of a lack of commitment comes from misperceptions and miscommunication. One of the primary culprits is our modern view of marriage. Marriage itself is defined as a “union between two people”. The modern ceremony we call “marriage”, is in fact just that: a marriage ceremony, not marriage itself. Whether or not two people hold hands down an aisle and have a government piece of paper is not what makes two people married. In fact, it doesn’t change anything about the two people, except for what they have mentally decided to change for themselves.

This varies, but the usual consensus is when you have intercourse you “join flesh” in a “union” and become one. The ceremony is merely representative of the “union” you are about to partake, for all of society to see so society can enforce the union.

There is no doubting when to people have sexual relations they have joined flesh. When they break-up it is as painful as ripping flesh, hence the creative analogy. What differs about modern society is they place all the value in a piece of paper from the government and a lavish ceremony.

Since casual sex is almost expected of any new couple, so is commitment. In order to protect themselves in such a dangerous environment where diseases and the pain of breakup after the “union” are common, daters have taken to instant-commitment. Most daters expect an exclusive relationship from the moment of dating. Yet, one cannot build commitment upon a non-existent relationship, so many only pretend to be committed. This makes the real commitment down the road lose all it’s meaning.

Ironically, in an environment where sex before marriage is taboo, dating itself was not exclusive. You dated the one you liked the most, but it was not uncommon to court many separate loves. This may have caused jealousy, but it was considered normal. Marriage was the final point at which couples would decide to commit, and an engagement period was the test of that commitment.