Matchmaking Service

Match.com has begun to add sections onto it’s site, where it quite literally speculates, “Match.com estimates it has inspired millions of relationships. Millions of members. Hundreds of thousands of new relationships.” Even the biggest online matchmaking service sites only put out numbers like “30-40 marriages a year” or something small like that, so with that in mind, Match.com has gone out on a leap. Perhaps it is finally time that a matchmaking service has done so, as many people ARE getting married from online dating services, and don’t report it. Actually a majority of online daters probably don’t report their marriage that resulted from an online matchmaking service, dare I say, very few do. This is not because they are ungrateful, but simply because they either forgot, or just didn’t think it was all that important. Or perhaps they didn’t want to be dragged onto some TV infomercial (in case that’s one of you out there, don’t hesitate they do pay those people quite a bit of money, I imagine), back on topic though, Match is becoming the first to guestimate the actual impact the matchmaking website is having on creating relationships. It’s probably only a matter of time before we can expect others to follow suit.

Studies have shown that tech-savvy users who are applying technology to enhance their long distance relationships, last longer. That is to say, a long distance couple that use, say a video phone, stay together longer, than a couple who use just a telephone, or a couple who use a phone last longer than those who just send e-mail. Those who frequently send e-mail, last longer than those who just send occasional snail mail. The internet has allowed for more meaningful relationships between people seperated by thousands of miles or oceans apart. Technology has helped online dating and matchmaking services bridge the gap between people miles away, bringing cultures and people together in a meaningful way.

There are bonuses and disadvantages to just about everything.

The most significant advantages of using an online matchmaking service are:

• Convenience.

There really is no more convenient way to find a new dating partner, unless you have your own personal matchmaker.

Then for the hidden matchmaking service bonus:

• Mental connection

The only thing you have to go by when dating online, often times, will be a sometimes exaggerated picture, so physical looks is not a huge factor to start with. This means the time you do spend talking before meeting, is time learning each other’s personality. Keep in mind, many things in the online dating world may be exaggerations or even fibs.  As long as you remember that, you can get a good idea of their mind. Now for the biggest drawback:

• Physical connection

This is why it is imperative to meet before any significant attachment is built up. Even if your minds link up perfectly, if there is no chemistry it can be a tough relationship. So online dating, if used to merely screen dates for the right personality, can be a great way of meeting new, fun, people. Then if you connect physically, you’ve just found your perfect match! In all seriousness, for many guys, in person looks are everything, but when that aspect is hidden, we actually find it easier to link up. For good looking people, this could mean someone liking you for more than your body. A great analogy is a rich man who doesn’t want to share the fact that he is rich, because then he cannot know if his potential dates like him or just his money.

Let’s face it: most people either exaggerate their profiles for online dating, or in some cases the opposite and hide their truly good characteristics. Don’t let that discourage you! Just keep in mind that the picture might be very-very well taken, or a really good looking person is diminished by less good looking ones that take great pictures! Of course, appearance isn’t everything, but it’s amazing how some people take amazing pictures that make them look better than they really are and some take pictures that make them look much worse than they are. Joking aside, if you just take a bit of a skeptic eye to each profile, online dating is a great experience. First, don’t get too attached too early, and don’t just scope out for one date, look at many different potential dates, and give them all a try, until you find one that interests you.

With the right attitude, the right bit of skepticism until trust is earned, online dating can be a great tool to help you find new love in your life.

A recent TV news magazine show recently reported a survey of what men want in a woman. The answers were divided between beauty (48%), brains (36%) and a combination of both (16%).

Maybe not surprising, but interesting to note is that very few picked the combination. Guess it’s good to be one or the other! Of course it depends how the survey was conducted, but I don’t think it should be a surprise that most men picked beauty, while a sizeable minority declared brains to be more important.

According to the National Sex Survey, only 1% of married women said they had an affair in the past year compared to 8% of cohabiting women. Among men, 4% are unfaithful husbands vs. 16% who cohabit. That means the risk is nearly 4 times as much for cohabiting men, and 8 times as much for cohabiting women, than for their married counterparts.

Which is odd, considering marriage is just a piece of paper. After all, marriage is merely a ceremony that represents sex, the union of two people. So indeed cohabiting individuals are “married” in the sense that they have joined flesh, but yet are in denial of any real commitment to which they have to hold to. And so, infidelity is more common as is separation.

Yet the breakup of cohabiting individuals is just as painful as divorce, it is like ripping that flesh apart from each other.

This is why it’s important to line out your marriage stance with your partner, whether or not you need a lavish ceremony, the moment you begin “living” together, and join flesh, you have all the same pains and joys of marriage, just without a legal agreement to stay commited to one another that society can help enforce.

It’s good to find out the marriage stance of a potential mate, to avoid one who is not ready for the ceremony, yet ready for the thing it represents, without any of the commitment.

Knowing when to quit. You see, if you are feeling frustrated to the point of desiring to be with someone else, the honorable thing to do is to break up, leave the other person. Communicate the frustration with your mate. Cheating is usually the result of cowardice, an unwillingness to express that frustration or anger with the other person.

Part of the problem lies with our current societal norm of casual sex. Marriage, after all, is merely a ceremony that represents sex, the joining of two people. The piece of paper means nothing. What it symbolizes is commitment to each other after joining together. Since sex is commonplace, dating ITSELF has become marriage. A vast majority of American daters instantly expect an exclusive relationship from the moment they start dating. This is why most people don’t even see the point in marriage, because they have unknowingly already made that commitment to stay with each other from day one.

Is there a remedy at this point and time for America? Perhaps not, but what we can learn from this societal mistake is that commitment has been marginalized by the pressure sex has placed on daters to instantly be commited, without the level of bonding that should usually occur before the joining of two people takes place.

Aside from being the easiest and possibly largest internet predator stalking grounds on the net, due to the ability to make fake accounts, as has been shown by the constant spamming on their services, MySpace is just a headache.

Most users actually don’t use it for dating. It’s a site for the clash of egos, where the main goal is an obsession with adding friends who usually turn out to be spam robots and various small time music bands, or viral video spammers, looking to advertise themselves.

If you want a dating service where you can actually know who you are dating, all paid services at the very least know the name, credit card info, and address of users, which creates a liability for stalkers and spammers. To top it off many matchmaking services, such as True.com, actually screen users for criminals and married men. Whereas MySpace? That 22 year old hunk from fresno, just might be a 57 year old austrian named Hans. Not that there’s anything wrong with Hans.

Staying “in love” forever is a grand ambition. But it’s one that many americans have come to expect from their spouses or loved ones. They often expect to be the central object of adolation in their significant other’s lives, and when not paid proper attention to, the relationships often go sour or even end. In this trying economic time, many relationships only need one wrong spark to spur on a quick and unsightly end to what was once a long and loving relationship.

Love can’t be forced. People cannot be forced to love someone else. Lying and confusing people with a false persona is almost certainly destined to end in a bad way. Often the other person will feel upset when they discover their mate is not the person they married, or on the other side of things, many daters end up actually impersonating someone they are not, feeling that is the only way to win over their love. In the end, they might grow weary of the constant falsehoods and unending effort required to be someone that they simply are not. Being straightforward and honest, has two ultimately positive outcomes. It either gives the partner a chance to love the true qualities of the person they are with. Or it leads to them breaking it off. Yet this can often save years of pain and regret down the road. It’s important to find someone who loves the qualities of their mate, not of the fake person they pretended to be.

Above all, long lasting romances are more than romance. In truth, only friendship lasts forever, the sexual aspects of a relationship are merely a bonus. Think of the qualities that have made best friends stay together. Ideally, a long term romance is simply a best friendship between two people who are also physically attracted to each other. The problem is today, dating is no longer about the friendship aspect. If they find themselves making out all of the time, even during a movie they were looking forward to, so much so that they have no idea what the plot was about, there may be a problem.

Best friends do things together. They watch movies together, they go have fun together. If a romance has destroyed all of the friendship aspects and turned into merely a chemical attraction, it cannot last forever. Human bodies simply get used to the hormones if they are constantly surrounded by them, and the mystery and intrigue  of the chemicals wears off. At that point, friendship is what helps reignite the fire and keep the relationship lasting. If the relationship with that person has the romance aspects taken out, is being long term friends with the person desirable? Do they share the same interests, goals, and characteristics expected of any good friend? If not, there is a serious problem.

Location, location, location! Some people believe they just kept finding the wrong people to date over and over again. It might not just be bad luck. In fact, often times it’s where more than who we date. Where you find a date does in fact determine the general traits of the person you’ll meet, and while there are exceptions to the rule, it is important to keep in mind certain locations will generally only allow you to meet certain types of people.

For example, if someone is looking for a christian to date, and heads out to the local athiest club, they obviously will have a hard time finding anyone. While that example may be a bit extreme, some people’s dating methods are quite on par with that. Many women may shout “why can’t I find any nice guys?” and then summarily head out to one of the raunchiest night clubs in town.

The idea is simple: in bars, you’ll tend to find more potential alcoholics. In clubs, you tend to find more easygoing people who are actively looking for dates. In churches you find christians, in mosques you find muslims. It’s not a hard concept to grasp.

If someone wants to find a different type of partner than they usually end up with, perhaps it’s time to change the routine. Go to the local church fellowship group, instead of the seedy club downtown. Go to sporting events instead of some friend’s hardcore party. Or vice versa, depending on what that person wants from a relationship.

It could even go so far as changing careers, if you tend to only hook up with other coworkers. Perhaps you’re interested in a different personality type than the type that goes into your current career path.

Taking it a step further, the type of friends you hang out with, often determines the location to hang out in, so choosing to hang out with sports crazy friends  will provide more opportunities to meet people interested in sports, whereas friends who enjoy clubbing will tend to frequent those places. It’s a truly common sense idea, but one most people do not frequently think about.

Ultimately, location plays a major factor in determining who we will meet, and why people go to that location, predetermines the characteristics of the person who is there. There are exceptions, but life is too short to wait for that exception to walk into the bar, club, or other place that may not be suited to the type of person being searched for.